I was MIA as I was in NY for a wedding. My college roommate's beautiful daughter was married on Saturday night on Long Island.
I had been dieting since May for this wedding so that I could fit into my long black dress for this black tie affair. To prepare for battle, or in this case to wear my long black dress, I had to suit up first underneath. Your know what I mean? I had to dive way back into my lingerie drawer for what I call my super gal secrets to help defeat the battle of the bulge. With the help of a whole lot of Spanx and tummy control panels, I was finally able to zip that dress with an inch to spare. Spanx says that when you put them on you want to sing. Well, I certainly sang in a high pitched voice as all my fat rolls were pushed up into my vocal cords. I went from being an alto to a soprano in five seconds flat. I could now sing like a canary and not a fat lady. I also took a giant extra strength Tylenol because all the fat cells pushing up towards my brain cells gave me one huge headache. Gosh for a while there I thought I was having a stroke. I danced the night away with ease without a fat bulge any place in sight unless you count my eyes which were now popping out of my head.
It sure was hard to wiggle out of all that spandex when it was time to use the little girls room. You can certainly get a work out just trying to pull all those garments down, not to mention how hard it was to pull them all back up. Talk about a work out. Why is it that those pantyhose never want to go back up? I finally pulled and wiggled and twisted just like Chubby Checker until I had every single garment back into place. I stepped up to the mirror and guess what I saw? My neck and face were void of wrinkles. All those under garments pushed all my fat rolls into my neck and face and made me look 10 years younger. Wow those Spanx items sure have it all over botox for a whole lot less money. Not a wrinkle to be found. It was a miracle!
My dangling carrot for dieting was to allow myself a piece of wedding cake. I have to say that when you give up cake for a few months they say after the first bite you will be satisfied. Not true! I ate my piece and a few bites of my husbands cake and only then was I was satisfied. It was so intoxicating. After that I remember nothing because the sugar high hit me like a ton of bricks and I was delirious. So delirious that I was hallucinating that I was a sausage in a casing. I ran back to the little girls room one more time and took off all the Spanx and stuffed them into my purse. I have one word to describe the feeling "Relief". Yes, I surendered to the battle of the bulge but just until the next wedding comes around!
Do you have any battle of the bulge secrets?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Inquiring minds want to know.
* I have to say that I really do like Spanx a whole lot better then other products on the market.
